


Team Luka, who knew.....

by 2CELLOSFanFiction



Category: 2Cellos
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-03-01 07:54:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2765519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2CELLOSFanFiction/pseuds/2CELLOSFanFiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A member of Team Stjepan realizes the mistake shes made and crosses where her heart leads her</p>
            </blockquote>





	Team Luka, who knew.....

Apparently I was always Team Luka but never realized it. When I first saw them, I fell in love with both, I know that now. But Stjepan put a lot of effort into seducing me, emotionally only though, not physically and I was vulnerable, so he succeeded. Since I had decided not to pursue married men anymore, or men who were in essentially monogamous committed relationships, when I realized that Luka was not available, I guess I opened up and let Stjepan have his way with me. I gave him my heart and my soul and he took them, as his playthings.  
  
But something has happened now; he has gone too far and broken me. It’s one thing knowing he has my heart and always will, but I cannot take the pain of being toyed with anymore. I don’t care how many girls he sleeps with, I really don’t and he can’t accept that; if he can’t and won’t even have a civilized conversation with me, won’t be alone with me just to talk, refuses to take responsibility for the results of his actions and how he hurts others, then he doesn’t get that part of me anymore. I am not a half-dead mouse for the bored tomcat to play with.  
  
Several airplane flights and 3 nights in hotels knowing we are under the same roof has changed something inside of me. It has reawakened something I didn’t realize I’d buried away. I don’t care anymore what relationship Luka may be in. I am becoming selfish. I want my desires, my needs, satisfied. And not by Stjepan, who I am now convinced is all flash and no substance in private. I am an adult woman and I want my Luka. I want to reach out, to touch him, to hold him, to be held by him, to taste him and feel him and wrap myself around him and feel him wrapped around me. I toss and turn at night, not able to sleep, wanting to walk down the hall and knock on his door. But even if he was willing; even if there was nothing standing in his way, I am afraid he would say no, not from lack of desire, but because he believes I am Stjepan’s not his and I don’t know how to tell him what I feel. I am too scared to tell him. I cannot bear the thought of being rejected so deeply again. So I sleep alone, or not sleep as the case may be, wondering what Luka is thinking in his lonely bed, and wondering if Stjepan even spends 5 seconds thinking about me between….… Yes, the hooks are that deep. Even when I turn away from him, I am drawn back to at least thinking about him. He is like an addiction to a very bad drug. Withdrawal is agonizingly painful, but a necessary first step on the road to recovery.  
  
It wouldn’t be so difficult if there was someone else I could turn to. The term “friends with benefits” suits me. I don’t want a husband, or a permanent commitment. I want a lover, or maybe several, someone to be with when the mood strikes us both, someone in whose arms I can scream with pleasures and ecstasy, someone whose hands and mouth and yes, other body parts, on and in my body make me tremble with joy and desire and who fills the aching void inside of me and gives me physical release.  
  
What is wrong with that? Their music gave me my life back. Now I want it all. I want more than living from concert to concert from watching the hair fly and the hands make love to their cellos; I want something that’s mine, at least some of the time. At least for a little while, I want Luka. And one day, when Luka is settled in a future I cannot yet imagine, one that does not include me on an intimate level, maybe then, Stjepan will have grown up, and will decide to be the man I fell in love with and will win me back. I don’t hold my breath waiting, but it could happen.  
  
There is one satisfying thought to all of this. When all is said and done, in 30 years or 50 years or whenever their times come, they will remember me. No matter where Luka’s life takes him, he will remember me. While Stjepan will have forgotten all his girls, in a matter of days or weeks, he will remember me to his dying day. I have left my mark on them, as they have on me. It is not enough, but it is something to hold onto.


End file.
